Labor Day Two for One Sale

A pair of flash fics for the holiday weekend. Enjoy!

Oh, and Death to Skynet!

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"Guys, if I might have your attention for a minute. I've noticed some of you haven't been taking membership in our esteemed club very seriously."

"Oh yeah. The Brotherhood of the Amiable Toaster Pastries. Just shrieks out respect, doesn't it?"

"I wasn't going to name names, Harold, but since you volunteered--"

"Oh, can it, Rothschild. We're only here because the other august societies wouldn't have us.  You know it, I know it, I'll bet even Putin knows it. We don't even do community service projects. We sit around on Tuesday nights, drink beer and bitch about our wives."

"I don't."

"That's because your girlfriend left you, Drummond. I can't believe you picked this sham of a shitshow over her."

"It was a mutual separation. I happen to enjoy the meetings. Even your company, Harold. And Rothschild isn't that big of a prick. Only when he's talking."

"Hey!"

"Oh, and thanks for the beer. I've heard the Shriners make you buy your own."

"That's another thing. A lot of you have been remiss in paying dues."

"We're supposed to pay? I thought it was voluntary."

"It's like a timeshare. The rent won't pay itself, y'know."

"So we meet somewhere else. The bowling alley, maybe. We can ditch the wussy club and become a league. People respect bowling."

"Yeah, there's a thought..."

"Muriel hated bowling..."

"Now look what you've gone and done. Drummond's blubbering again. Fine, then. All those in favor of disbanding the Brotherhood, raise your hands. Now, it's my understanding Thursday is league night, so that's out..." 

$$$$

"I must say, you're a lot taller than I thought you would be."

"Dude. I'm Godzilla."

"Really? Shouldn't you be speaking Japanese?"

"Normally, yes, but I've been dubbed in English to cater to American audiences."

"That was very considerate of you. So you're my blind date?"

"Looks like. I'd say the service screwed up majorly. You're male, right? I can't always tell humans apart."

"Afraid so. Though I did say I'm into leather."

"Bugger. I'll bet they let an AI program do the matchups. What else did you put on your profile?"

"'Fond of Japanese cuisine'."

"Damn. Me too. Well, there you go."

"So...do you want to give it a shot, then? What would you like to do?"

"Destroy Tokyo."

"I've destroyed a city or two myself in my time...maybe that's how we got matched. That and the green thing."

"I don't understand."

"My name is Bruce Banner."

"Still not getting it."

"Just give me a minute...grrhhhhAARRGGHH!"

"Oh. Oh! Yes, that's much better. We're still quite a ways from Tokyo, though...well, beggers can't be choosers. How do you feel about wrecking Cleveland?"

"Hulk smash?"

"I'll take the tall buildings and rip up the power stations. You do street level."

"Get sushi after."

"Sounds perfect. Hop on my tail, I'll give you a lift."

"Big lizard fun date."

"Aww. I'll bet you say that to all the kaiju."