Weeks 8 & 9 - Dealing with Sinkholes

 

Update – You’ll notice I’m running late this week. So late I’ve decided to combine two weeks’ worth of updates into one, even though it’s only Thursday. Consider it a bonus for Leap Day. Besides, tomorrow starts a new month so it all evens out.

This is what happened. In Week 8, all those ideas my subconscious threw at me did indeed knock me off course. That and the new paid assignment successfully kept me from writing more than a few lines per day. Mostly I did flash. I did do a bit of typing on the side project, and eased myself back into the romance book, but nothing I could write a blog about.

Then Week 8 transitioned into Week 9, and that’s when the fun began. I’ve stated several times I have an ongoing addiction to computer games. As of last week I’d been game-free since before Christmas, for a little over two months. Take notice of the past tense. For some reason over the weekend—I think I got bored with the paid assignment I was working on—I hopped on over to a gaming site for a little break with some Spider Solitaire.

Ever see one of those movies where the guy agrees to have “just one drink”? Then the scene cuts to the next morning and him waking up naked in Vegas with the mother of all hangovers and Wayne Newton snoring in bed beside him. Or something like that. That was me on Saturday, minus Wayne Newton. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I’d just cussed myself out and gone back to work, but I didn’t do that. I went back to the games instead. Also on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. And I wasn’t even in Vegas.

During these relapses, crucial things tend to get swept aside. TV’s not that critical, but I did skip a lot of my faves. Also meals. And work on the assignment, currently my only source of writing income, which also has a deadline. I managed to whip out some flash scenes before bed, or type a couple of lines on one of the projects before jumping over to the game sites. There was one bright spot: Tuesday morning, instead of heading for the laptop, I stayed in bed and ended up writhing nearly two full longhand pages on the romance book. You’d think that would have broken the spell. No such luck. Something happens to me when I sit down at the keyboard during one of these episodes. I go for the games and just stay there for hours at a stretch. I’ve heard there are kids who get so caught up in playing they don’t even go to the bathroom. They just let loose in their seat. I haven’t hit that humiliating benchmark yet, but the organs are old and starting to give out. It’s only a matter of time.

It’s like falling into a sinkhole. One minute you’re strolling along and life is fine and dandy, then suddenly the ground gives way and you’re falling into the depths and can’t see any way out. It can be anything: gambling, drinking, drugs, social media, the endless timesucks on the internet. For me it was the stupid games that came with my laptop’s hard drive. I was even too cheap to pick an expensive addiction.

Wednesday became my day of reckoning. Of course with all this going on, my insomnia decided to join the party. I woke up around 3 a.m. and couldn’t fall back to sleep. By five I was wide awake and furious at myself. In a fit of self-loathing I decided Screw This. I got up, brewed my morning mug of tea, took it into the office with me, sat down and got to work. Over the next twelve hours or so I slogged my way through the work I’d been putting off for the previous three days, with only a break here and there for things like food, bathroom breaks and a shower. I’ll show you, Mr. Subconscious. You’re not the boss of me.

And it worked, more or less. I didn’t quite finish the bugger, but I only had a few pages to go when I finally shut down for the day/night. If that didn’t cure my insomnia, I’m not sure what would. Well, it didn’t. This morning I woke up around 2 am. At 3 I threw on my robe, went into the office, wrapped up the paid work and went back to bed. Got up around 7:30. I was pretty draggy for most of the day, but the work got done. Better still, I’d proven my point to myself: If I put my mind to it and take serious action, I can do damn near anything. I don’t have to fall into the sinkhole. It will only swallow me if I allow it to.

I still need to whip up some writing for today. I’ll do that while watching TV.

That’s how I’ll be wrapping up this month. No books completed, no income from fiction writing. But I scored a major personal victory over my spineless, procrastinating self. There’s a whole new month ahead of me now, 31 pristine days. The romance is starting to pick up steam; I’ll bet I can get it done. Maybe now I’ll be able to sleep through the night with only the occasional pee break. See you all next week.

 

Week 1 - Trial Runs and Helpful Hints

So here we are—one week into my personal challenge of writing a book per month for the duration of 2024. How did I do?

Not too bad. Not perfect, but not awful enough to plunge me into despair and self-doubt and make me give up within twenty-four hours of the start of the new year. I did that with my resolution to eat better. Went out January 2 for supplies and bought Mounds bars and Cheese Doodles and other unhealthy stuff, which I binged on over the rest of the week. This is not how diets work. Still, it wasn’t a resolution per se, so I can let it go. I just have to be careful not to do that again. Or not do it too often. Maybe I can sneak up on a healthy diet and then give up junk food for Lent. Kind of a practice run. Like the way I’m sneaking up on exercise. I leave the house and move around every other day. Once the weather gets better it’ll be every day. As I phase out the junk food (in particular bakery goods and candy bars with all their processed sugar) the pounds will drop off slowly without undue exercise. By the time spring rolls around and temperatures start to rise, I won’t be hauling around as much body fat and will actually want to move more. I’m slowly getting myself up to the point where I can stroll around stores without using a cart as a walker.

Slow, incremental changes appear to be the key, at least for me. I’ve tried self-challenges and resolutions in the past. My biggest problem seems to be piling too much on my plate at once. Then I get overwhelmed, give up in despair, and go back to my old bad habits. I do this with writing, too. It’s part of the reason I went on an unshakeable block for most of last year. Girl, relax. Build up those muscles, physical and mental, a bit at a time. Every day you do something instead of nothing is a win. Pretty soon the habit muscles will strengthen and you can push yourself a little further. I want to lose five pounds by the end of the month. That’s doable. Losing too much weight too fast isn’t good for you anyway.

I will not be giving up pizza. Just cutting back. My plan there is to treat myself to pizza every time I finish a book. That’s not too bad. Every time I sub something, I’ll have pizza and a soda. Yeah, there’s my motivation.

You’re welcome to try this approach as well, Keep in mind we’re all different, so your mileage may vary.

And now, the Week 1 update, positive division. I started work on a shapeshifter romance, and continued work on the original side project, which is currently in its second draft. I’ve been able to write at least a little something on one or the other, sometimes both, every day. I haven’t had to resort to flash fill-ins at all. I haven’t touched any computer games since at least three weeks before the start of the new year. My attitude has been upbeat, for the most part. I’ve been sleeping better. The fact I’m able to write and post two blogs within a week is a major triumph in itself. All this is while I’m working on a paid assignment which is due this Friday. See that? A couple deep breaths, a reduction in sugar consumption, and miracles can happen.

Things I need to work on: My resolve does tend to peter out as the week wears on. More than once I caught myself slipping back into my well-worn procrastination habits. They’re mainly tied to the laptop (that’s where the internet and all its siren distractions live) but I’ve got a couple of tricks to get me through. For one, I can write longhand, where the Web can’t get at me. That’ll work for the romance, but not for the other one. That one’s already longhand; I’m trying to type it into the system, rewriting as I go. For that I just go for a music channel and tie up the WiFi while I type on the hard drive. Once I get going I don’t have a problem. It’s the “get going” part where I stumble. If things get really bad I’ll just unplug the WiFi. I’ve found if I don’t write first thing in the morning, other obligations start getting in the way and I never get around to the manuscripts. Those are the days I end up frantically scribbling flash scenes right before bed. That cropped up a couple of times this week. Fortunately, I was able to scribble scenes from my works in progress rather than random flash. Eventually my lazy subconscious will realize it’s not going to win and back off. I wanted to write this post two days ago, but the bastard kept distracting me. And yet here we are. Take that, asshole!

Finally, a simple tip I got from Dr. Google is helping me tame my insomnia. Being old, I tend to go to bed early (average bed time, 10 pm) and get up at least once, sometimes two or three times, to clean the pipes. All too often I find I can’t fall back to sleep. That’s when the negative thoughts creep in. Every mistake I’ve ever made, every bad thing that’s happened to me, comes blasting back like a crappy rerun on TV Land. When I do finally fall asleep, I wake up afterwards feeling like shit on toast. Naturally, my attitude is in the hopper. You can imagine how my writing goes.

 The worst time for this is between 2 and 4 am. How do I know? Because I’ve been checking the clock. Dr. Google’s solution: don’t check the clock, especially if it’s one of those digital ones with the glowing screen. Not only does seeing the time stress you out, the blue light messes with your sleep hormones and helps keep you awake. So last week I stopped checking the time when I got up for my pee breaks. And son of a poodle with a litter of puppies, it worked. I do my business, crawl back into bed, lie there for maybe a minute and then drop right off. When I do wake up and look at the clock, it’s around 5-6 am and I’d be getting up anyway. If you’re having sleep problems, give this a try. Again, your mileage may vary.

This week I’m going to see about shutting down the laptop at 7 pm because I’ve been having off-and-on problems with falling asleep to begin with.  You’re supposed to avoid screens at least an hour before bed. I already blew that one today because I wanted to write this blog, so I’ll have to kick that off tomorrow. I’ll let you know how it works out. See you next week!