They're Everywhere

There is no escape from them. Not anywhere.

$$$$

"--so you see, none of it was my fault. You can't blame me because the Uber driver wouldn't take me to the gate of Hell like I paid him to."

"Frankly, I didn't even know we had a Hellgate in Akron. Cincinnati, yeah, that one's been around for centuries. But Akron? Let me check my files..."

"Don't bother. That's the other problem. There isn't any Hellgate in Akron. I was given bad information. The demon lied." 

"Well, it was a demon. You have to expect a certain amount of--"

"Not about this, they shouldn't. I mean, that's the whole point of being a demon, right? You condemn souls to Hell. You don't send them off on a wild goose chase to Akron just for giggles. Don't you people have any regulations?"

"None of this makes any difference. You were assigned to Hell upon your passing. You were supposed to show up at the gate at precisely--"

"No, I was supposed to be brought to the gate. Those were Death's exact words. He said I'd be conducted to my final destination. He promised someone would see to it. Then he had to leave. Something about missiles going off in the Middle East."

"Well, Death's pretty busy these days, what with pandemics and all..."

"So I had to find an Uber with a psychic driver so he could see me, then we had to ask a demon for directions but the demon told us Akron and when we couldn't find it the Uber driver just dumped me out and next thing I know your goons are hauling me off to this shitty place and they said I'm in big trouble but it wasn't my fault you've got shitty people working for you. I shouldn't even be in Hell anyway. What did I ever do?"

"What did you say your name was?"

"Karen. Karen White. And I have had it up to here. I want to speak to the manager."