Week 40 - Tossing in the Towel

 

Update – Not much went on last week. Mostly I worked on paid stuff. Did a little work on the detective book, played some games (which I’m not supposed to be doing) and got the lawn mowed. That one knocked me out; we had rain, drizzle and gloom for roughly a week and a half, then finally it cleared up but left some tall, thick green behind. But I got it all done, beating out most of my neighbors. I wasn’t the first, but I was up there in the top five. By the time Monday rolled around we all had our grass nicely clipped again. The weather’s gotten chillier. I’m hoping this means the end of the mowing season. I may need to chop it down one last time as we go into November. I never did get the yard work done. Maybe next year.

$$$$

Here’s something else I never got done: a first draft of a book—any book at all—in a month. I was going to do one per month every month this year. I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe I got some bad eggnog at New Year’s and it gave me delusions. Something gave me a massive block this year, part of the reason (along with work, financial anxiety and depression) I couldn’t write as much as I thought I could. So I’m calling it quits. I’ll continue work on the detective story, even though that’s hit a rough patch. How can you get blocked on a second draft? I’ve got the bones of the story written; I just have to dress 'em up nicer and pick better words than what I feverishly scribbled in longhand in two of those 1-subject school notebooks. But going back over it, I keep running into mistakes and plot holes that I glossed over the first time, and I have to straighten everything out so the story still works. It’s a work in progress, folks. That’s all I can say.

There’s another reason I may have gotten discouraged, and that’s the current market. Assuming I ever get it done, where do I send it? It’s not firmly slotted into one specific genre. It’s primarily fantasy, but it’s also a mystery, a detective story and partially a romance. I tend to refer to it as my Twilight Zone book, which would put it in the fantasy category. If I got the right agent, though, I could probably sneak it into mainstream. That’s where Stephen King’s books were first shelved, even though given the subject matter (psychic powers, vampires) they should have gone into the Science Fiction and Fantasy section, where H. P. Lovecraft and his ilk got lumped in with the elves and the rocket ships. King obviously had an excellent agent.

I’ve already sent a query to a SFF publisher for one of their open calls; we’ll see if anything happens. Other than that, I’m considering Hard Case Crime. Those are straight up mysteries, but they’ve published a couple of Stevie’s books, so I know there’s leeway. I just have to hope mine’s good enough.

Why not just query the SFF publishers? Back when I started, in the distant past, that would have been my go-to genre. But now I’ve hit a road block that I’ve touched on before, and recently saw an article on the Internet confirming my worst fears: SFF has essentially been taken over by the diversity crowd. It’s not just a moratorium on straight white male characters—now they want to block out the straight white male writers. Only female leads written by female authors—preferably an author of color and any gender other than straight—need apply.

(Insert screams and lots of colorful swearing here)

But you’re female, I hear you saying. You’ve got a ticket in. For the cheap seats, maybe. I’m still white and straight, writing about straight white male heroes. The problem is, I was planning on using a male pen name for this book. This book was going to be my entry into the horror genre. Stephen King doesn’t write the type of books that made him famous any more. I was hoping my nom de plume could step in and fill the void. But if white males are being elbowed out of my target genre, what’s a girl-passing-as-a-male-writer supposed to do?

So why can’t I use my real name? Because about a decade back, when I switched over to racy romance, I stupidly used my real name as my byline. Suppose the book sells well and piques people’s interest. They’ll look up my backlog and find my sex books. The ones with two guys, or one woman and two guys, or women with vampires and/or werewolves, doing fun activities together. The kind you don’t want your kids finding out about until they’re at least 27. I can’t use my initials because that’s what I used for my SFF stories, and that one YA romance with the vampires that sold maybe five copies, if that. So my real name and my initial name are both out of the running. And so’s my whitebread male pen name, it seems.

I’m still going to give it a shot, but my hopes aren’t high. My goal for 2025 will be to learn how to successfully self-publish.

Although…

Remember that screed I posted a few weeks back, about the publisher who wanted the male author to make his book “inclusive”? De-age the characters and play up the romance, only make it gay. I came up with a version of my book that did exactly that, eliminating all straight white maleness entirely. I meant it all sarcastically, getting my frustrations out of my system.

But what if I went ahead and actually wrote that version? Then queried both versions to the same or similar publishers? Which would sell? One? Both? Neither? What if I sold one and self-pubbed the other? Would I be sued for plagiarizing myself?

(Don’t laugh; that happened to John Fogerty, lead singer/songwriter of Creedence Clearwater Revival. He was called into court for writing a solo song that sounded too similar to a song he’d written for the band. It all depends on who owns the rights to what, and he didn’t own the rights to his CCR songs, even though he'd written them. The law's a funny thing.)

Might be an interesting experiment. It would make me feel like I’m actually doing something writing-related. I may just fiddle around with that next year, unless the diversity fad passes in the meantime. I’ve heard stories of romance e-book writers who do a traditional (MF) version, then rewrite the story as MM and sell it twice. I considered that, but while plotting I realized I was coming up with two separate storylines. I can’t even plagiarize myself correctly.

Or I could just go back to writing sex books. I need to do something to pay off the credit card before the interest kicks in. It doesn’t help that more and more outfits are saying, “We accept AI-assisted material.” Great. Like regular competition wasn’t enough, now I have to contend with Skynet’s literary efforts. I predicted that on here too. And you wonder why I’m depressed all the time. I think I’ll go watch TV. See y’all next week.

 

Weeks 38 & 39 - Running Late/Periods (and commas)

 

Yeah, I know—I got busy last week and before I knew it two weeks had gone by without a blog post. So another double-up. Most of it will be updates, followed by a brief tutorial in the correct usage of periods and commas. Nothing else. That title is just to get your attention. I’m experimenting with promotional techniques for when I’m ready to start marketing books. And now, on to the updates.

Week 38 update – this was the better of the two weeks. I had it all going on. I got a new paid assignment and worked on the detective book and was able to balance my work day with time left over to do mundane stuff like buy groceries and cook dinner. Okay, so the yard work took a serious hit. I’m okay with that, though my neighbors are a little honked off.  I kept the yard mowed. The summer yard season’s almost over now anyway. There’s always next year.

The best part was how easily the words flowed in my fiction. I’m supposed to be typing up the longhand, but I found myself rewriting most of the scene, and the story’s much better because of it. The parts I’m typing now were written two years ago. That’s really too long to let something sit, but the break paid off: I know the story and the characters much better now, and can add depth to the scene while cutting out the crappy bits. Also, plot holes I wouldn’t have noticed before now leap out at me, but so do solutions for fixing them. It’s a pity I went into post-writing depression and didn’t write two or three other books while this one was sitting around. That’s the way a writing career is supposed to work, if you’re really serious about it. I’ll be addressing that in a future installment.

Week 39 update – Here’s where things almost got out of hand. The first read-through on the paid assignment took longer than I planned for, because the writer had issues with proper punctuation usage, causing me to fix periods, commas and semicolons on practically every line of a 150-page file. Making readable sense of run-on sentences also slowed me down, though not to that extent. The biggest problem, though, was the unexpected quirks brought on by Windows 11. Or maybe it’s a hardware problem in the new laptop. I still don’t know for sure. All I know is, I went to move the cursor and it decided to move on its own and click on something without permission, and all of a sudden my paginated work file had no more page breaks or running heads, and I had no idea how to restore it. Imagine turning in a work assignment with the note: “Edits are done, but you’re going to have to reformat the whole thing. Sorry. My bad.” Luckily I did some experimentation and found what went wrong. One click undid the cursor’s damage and I had page breaks and headers again. However, the Table of Contents got messed up in the restoration. I included a warning note when I sent the finished assignment back. My next step will be to head up to the local library, which has a free computer lab for us old geezers who didn’t grow up with home computers, so I can figure out what the hell’s up with my cursor and how I can get it back under control. At least it doesn’t zoom the pages in and out any more.

I didn’t get as much of my own writing done this week, but the assignment’s done and gone back to the publisher and currently there’s nothing else on the docket. That means I get to write now. Unless the weather clears up (it’s been rainy all week) and I decide to take one last shot at the yard work. We’ll just have to see what happens.

$$$$

And now, a brief tutorial: Proper Use of Basic Punctuation.

This is the period (.). It means “stop.” It goes at the end of a sentence. This is the comma (,). It means “pause, more is coming.” It’s also used to separate dialogue from the rest of the sentence. Example: Marcus turned to Laila and said, “If you don’t get dinner on the table right now, I’m packing your bags and sending you home to your mama.” “Okay,” she replied, “but I can pack my own bags. Hope you’ve got the number for DoorDash.”

Here's a (made-up) example of what I had to deal with last week:

“I can’t take this any more.” He said and took out his phone. Laila watched impassively he dialed. “Don’t forget you’re allergic to soy sauce.” She reminded him walking out of the room her ass swaying suggestively in her too-tight pants causing Marcus to misdial. “Acme Hardware.” Some teenager’s voice cracked over the phone. “Hello?”

It was like that on almost every page. Sometimes almost every line. I’ll leave the writers among you to figure out what the problems are and how to fix them. Just like I had to; that’s what took me so long. I understand this is category romance and a lot of these people are writing a book a month so they can get more royalties. There isn’t time to let things sit and do a better draft. But you can do your copy editor and proofreader a huge favor and do a cleaner one. Our eyes appreciate the courtesy.

Interestingly, I’ve noticed that no matter how many typos and punctuation errors there may be in the rest of the book, the sex scenes almost always are typo-free and clean as a lewd whistle. This is true for every author and every sub-genre. I think we know what the writers’ beta readers and proofers are spending most of their time on. There must be somebody somewhere out there reading these for the story. Maybe I don’t need to worry so much about that part after all. I’ll keep it in mind when I start cranking out my own book a month. See y’all next week.

Week 37 - Things Could Be Worse

 

Update – Last week wasn’t exactly me at the top of my form. I had a week off between paid assignments—plenty of time to write. Instead I mostly played games on the new laptop. That’s the only bright spot: I figured out how to fix the cursor’s zoom problem. Turns out it was software, not hardware. I went into Systems, found the Cursor section, discovered the Zoom box was checked, and unchecked it. Haven’t had a problem since. I was able to restore my missing Recycle Bin function using the same method. I’m still having minor issues with an overly-sensitive mouse pad, but I bet I just have to click or unclick a box there too and it’ll go away. Eventually I’ll get around to that.

I did start writing again—on Sunday, the day before my next assignment was due to come in. Now I’m beating myself up over a wasted week. At some point my subconscious and I will need to have a long-overdue serious talk.

$$$$

Anybody reading this, you just caught a break. Last night I had a bad bout of insomnia. Close to two early-morning hours of sleeplessness, bad memories, regrets, recrimination, self-pity and nearly-nonstop whining. I was going to share all that with you lucky people. But then it hit me: all things considered, I’ve got it pretty good. Yes, I can’t trust my car any more and I’m facing growing credit-card debt. On the other hand, I had uterine cancer but caught it early enough that all it cost me was removal of an organ that retired ten years before I did. I didn’t even need chemo or radiation treatments. I skated right through what could have been a life-altering—or life-ending—illness. I really have no right to whine about anything. No matter how bad I think things are, somebody somewhere has got it a million times worse.

Take, for instance, current Presidential candidate Donald Trump. He doesn’t have to be President—he absolutely needs to be President again, because without the protection of high public office, his butt will be going to jail. He’s already been convicted of a felony by the State of New York. Then there’s that little matter of January 6^th. The Supreme Court gave him a reprieve, but he can only fully dodge that bullet if he gets elected again. His flunkies are protecting him, but some in the party are beginning to sidle away. If he loses, guaran-damn-tee ya the whole passel of rats will jump ship, leaving him to sink on his own. He thought he had a shoo-in, but then Biden pulled a fast one and dropped out of the race, leaving Donnie to flounder against someone younger, smarter, browner and more female than he is. A popular female, with bigger, happier crowds at her rallies. I thought I suffered from insomnia? Donnie probably hasn’t slept well in months.

And now, on top of everything else, people are shooting at him.

When you look at it that way, all in all I have no reason to gripe. All I’ve got to worry about is paying bills, staying healthy, and taking the positive actions that’ll enable me to deal with the first two. I’m not facing national public humiliation or possible jail time. Nobody’s taking potshots at me. Not yet, anyway. The hardest thing I need to do is get off my ass and deal with life instead of whining about it. If I can do that, and avoid fomenting an insurrection against the US government, I should be okay.

Like I said, I’ve already gone back to writing. I have a couple side ideas I can try to work in. I’m not running for public office. Life is good. Especially for you folks. You just got an upbeat message instead of more whine with your cheese. You too can fix a zooming cursor now. No need to thank me. See y’all next week.

Week 36 - Semantics

 

Update – Got busy with paid work last week and had to set both writing and yard work aside while I focused on hitting my deadline. That’s done now and I’m back on my own stuff. At least until Monday, when I take the laptop back to the shop. I have one week of warranty time left, so I’m going to let them figure out why my cursor keeps zooming when I don’t want it do. Looks like I’ll be writing longhand next week; any typing will need to be done at the library. Yay for thumb drives! This will also get me out of the house, which always lifts my mood. I knew having home WiFi would end up with me going hermit mode, but at the time—Covid lockdown—I didn’t have much of a choice. Not if I wanted to keep getting paid.

In other news, Hong Kong may be gone, but I’ve still had an uptick in bot traffic, this time from the USA. Well, that’s to be expected. We’re in serious Presidential election season now, and both sides will be phishing for voters. Good luck with that, Rs and Ds alike. Just because I’m registered to a particular party doesn’t mean I’ll vote that way. One year I didn’t like either candidate, so I wrote in the tag team of Jesse Ventura and Hulk Hogan. You can do that when you live in the land of the free and the home of the smartass.

$$$$

Here’s something else I won’t be doing. Today I want to talk about something that involves an internet feud between two YouTubers. I will not be mentioning either by name. I did mention one in some earlier blogs because I support him, but I realized that was just clickbaiting to get views of my own, and I’ve since chosen not to do that any more. For today’s topic, we’ll call them Former Comics Pro (FCP) and Successful Newcomer (SN). If you’re into the modern comic book scene, especially the indies, you’ll know who I’m talking about.

Frankly, their identities don’t matter half as much as the situation. As briefly as I can put it, FCP was a talented and popular artist doing work for the big mainstream companies. SN was, and still is, a musician and YouTuber commentator, and also a comic book reader and fan. Both built steadfast followings over the years. FCP burnt some bridges, left mainstream comics and turned indie, crowdfunding his own books. SN, the longtime fan disappointed in the direction mainstream comics was going, decided to do likewise. Except, instead of crowdfunding, he used his own money and started his own company, hiring other disillusioned comics pros to write and draw his creations, with himself as writer/editor in chief.

At first FCP and SN supported each other on their respective YouTube channels. They were in the same business, after all. Then things went sour. SN’s first book came out and did over three million dollars in sales. The second book, for which FCP did a cover, didn’t match that but came dang close. Meanwhile, the crowd funding FCP was getting impatient because the books he’d promised them weren’t coming out. We’re talking years here. I’m a slow writer myself, and given to lengthy creative blocks, so I know how that is. However, when other people’s money is involved, when they’ve ponied up the bucks and no goods are forthcoming, they do tend to get a little irked. SN entering the scene seemingly out of nowhere and having such phenomenal success wouldn’t have helped FCP’s mood any.

Long story short, FCP turned on SN, live on YouTube, and cut contact. He’s since forged a new career devoted to bashing SN in vitriolic YouTube live streams that can run on for hours. For his part, SN has chosen to ignore the whole thing and concentrate on growing his new company. He’s since published five books with a sixth on the way, and established a company magazine. His goal is to have a book out every month. He’s also got a line of clothing, posters and other merchandise, and is hoping to expand into animation if/when finances allow. FCP, who hasn’t released a book in literally years while still accepting money from supporters, decries SN as a grifter.

If you’ve made it down this far, congratulations—we’ve finally reached the point of this entry.

SN is not a grifter. FCP is a grifter. SN is a huckster, and so far a very successful one.

Aren’t they the same? I hear you asking. Nope. A grifter is a swindler, a thief. They promise you the moon, take your money, and leave you with nothing to show for it. A huckster is a salesman. Their job is to hype the hell out of whatever they’re selling. When you give your money to a huckster, you will get a product in return. It may or may not be everything they said it was. That will be up to you and your expectations. You’ll still have something to show for the bucks you forked over. With a grifter, you’re left with empty pockets as well as empty hands.

I’ve tried SN’s books. I can’t say they’ve all been winners. But I like what he’s trying to do. I was a fan of CrossGen when that company existed, and his “universe” is giving me strong CrossGen vibes. Plus, he’s wise enough to hire pros to bring his ideas to life. As for the merch, I can’t vouch for everything, but those shirts are definitely top-notch, cotton and comfy. The important thing is, he delivers. Nothing is advertised or sold that doesn’t already exist. A comic may be teased, but the touting doesn’t start until the book is complete. Shipping begins promptly at the end of the pre-order period, and the product arrives in sturdy, quality packaging (My experiences with my local post office notwithstanding. That’s on them, though. See previous blogs.).

As for FCP, I’m not all that familiar with his artwork, although he was apparently popular during his mainstream days. Some fans may not like his writing; others seem to be okay with it. Or would be, if he ever got off YouTube long enough to actually finish any of the books he’s trying to sell. His full-time job these days appears to be a purveyor of drama. His attacks on others bring in viewers, and the viewers provide him with donations. In that regard, he’s a successful huckster, selling his POV. But unless and until he starts producing comic books, getting them out to the printer and delivering them to his paying customers, he might as well admit he’s just a grifter.

Which is why I’m following SN. And taking notes.

Yes, his marketing strategies can be classified as over the top, perhaps even melodramatic. “Selling igloos to Eskimos” is one way people used to phrase it. SN is a master at building interest in and hawking his various wares. He has to be. This is his company, his livelihood. You better believe he’s going to bust his ass selling his product to that fan base he’s built up. Not to mention he’ll make sure there’s a product ready to go before he starts making promises. Before I even think about trying his techniques, I’d better have a finished product ready, and it better be as good as I can make it. Nobody wants to be labeled a grifter, especially if that rep is deserved.

My first act, once I’m ready, will be to write another blog about SN, but this time use his name and add it to my labels. This is deliberate clickbaiting. Hopefully people will click on the link and be diverted here, where I can direct them to those books listed over there on the side. Those are books I’ve already written and that do exist. The links will take you to the publisher’s website. Call it passive hucksterism, if you will.

That’s only some of my published output, though. I should have a separate page with all my available books on it. God, I suck at this. No wonder I’m not successful. Note to self: revamp blog page. And write more. See y’all next week.

 

Weeks 34 & 35 - The Secret to Effective Communication

 

UPDATE – I’m pretty sure I’m running a week or so behind, so we’ll just cover two weeks in one this time around. I’ll even everything out at the end of the year. Back on topic. The second draft of the detective story continues to progress, although it’s slowed down a bit this week because I got another assignment. That one’s taking longer than normal because I’m still adjusting to Windows 11 and the cursor is still acting up. Once this assignment’s done (deadline’s Thursday) I’ll have a week off between jobs. That’s when I’ll take the new laptop back to the place I got it from and have them take a look at it. I’m still within the one-month warranty period so at least I won’t have to pay. Since I no longer have a backup computer I’ll just write longhand and/or type on the library system using a thumb drive. I’m going to see if I can finish the second draft by the end of September. Anything else I’ll do longhand. It worked for the current book, and pens are a lot easier to deal with than a pesky cursor. As long as they don’t run out of ink.

$$$$

The new laptop’s misbehaving cursor did come with a plus side: it gave me something to blog about both last week and this week. Between posting last week’s vent and before starting this one, I paid a visit to my local comic shop, mostly to visit with a semi-buddy who works there. As we caught up I told him about my new laptop and the cursor’s case of the zoomies. As it turns out, he’d once owned an iPhone with the same issue, and it drove him as nuts as mine was driving me.

Here's where things get interesting. I asked him how he’d fixed the problem, what the general cause was. Well...he hadn’t. He just lived with it until he couldn’t take it any more, then got another phone. I don’t want to spend another $300 on a laptop, so I’ll let the guys at the shop have at it. Let them do their job.

But his answer to my honest question brought back memories of similar encounters, and similar frustrations. I’ll bet you’ve run into this situation with family, friends and co-workers at one time or another. See if this sounds familiar:

You walk into a room filled with people you know. You start a conversation: “I have (a stomach ache/a car that's stalling out on me/jury duty).” The expected response should be interest or sympathy, depending on your issue. Instead—at least in my case—it’s always been an instant chorus of, “Really? That happened to me/my friend/a relative,” followed by details of their experiences. In the case of the jury duty conversation, this was actually pretty helpful. The others, though, I honestly could have used some advice on how to deal with the problem while I was waiting to see a doctor or a garage mechanic. Sometimes it’s a simple thing that you can fix yourself. I’m all about saving money whenever possible.

So my response in these cases tends to be, “Really? What did you/they do? How did you/they solve the problem?”

The response is invariably a blank stare, followed by verbal fumbling. The more articulate will tell you flat out, “I don’t remember. I think we just got rid of the car/took an aspirin/faked insanity.” Or else they just lived with it, like the comic shop guy and his phone.

It’s taken me years of this, but I think I’ve finally figured out why I can’t get a straight answer on how to deal with my problems. Why, in fact, I have so much trouble fitting in with other people.

While there are plenty of exceptions and lots of decent folk willing to be helpful, the bottom line is this: the average person—strangers, co-workers, friends, family members—doesn’t give a damn about you.  They’re not interested in your problems or helping you solve them. They’d much rather talk about themselves. If you walk up to your homies and announce that, say, “My furnace broke this morning,” the first words out of the first person’s mouth will be, “I had that happen to me.” They’re not commiserating; they’re trying to shut you down. Your announcement has made you the center of attention, and they’re out to grab the spotlight for themselves. That’s why the conversation automatically switches to everyone else’s experiences. They tell their stories and when they’re done, they walk away. This can happen with just one person or an entire room. If you’re lucky, they may remember you with a, “Hey, good luck with that.” Your starring performance just got snatched and converted into a walk-on cameo in their story. It’s flat-out disrespect, but that’s how people are any more.

Except I’m not looking for attention. I’m looking for answers. I want to know why my cursor/car/stomach isn’t behaving. I’m actually happy somebody else once had the same problem I’m having. Which is why my automatic, earnest and hopeful response is, “What did you do about it?”

And they can’t answer. Handing out solutions wasn’t the point. The point was to steal my thunder. Instead of standing there and letting them, I just called them out. Now they have to put up or shut up. That’s not how the script’s supposed to go. Even if they do have an answer, they’re not going to tell me. That would mean I won. So they mumble and fumble and say, “I dunno,” and walk away. And probably complain about me whining to everybody else behind my back.

Compounding my own problems, when someone else says they’ve got an issue, I just assume they want advice. If I have knowledge of the situation, I’ll try to offer solutions based on my own experience. That’s the last thing people want. They don’t want answers. They want sympathy. They want attention. Since it’s mostly women who pull this shit, they’ve already got their husbands to solve their problems for them. They sure as hell don't want some know-it-all bitch pointing out all their shortcomings by actually trying to help.

There’s even an epilogue to this. After dealing with things on my own I’ve come back to announce my solution. All of a sudden, memories improve. “Yeah, that’s what I/my friend/my family member did.” Which once again deflects attention away from me and onto the speaker. The attention hog is vindicated and walks away triumphant. And the next time the company has a layoff or the friend group throws a party, I’m the one who’s cut from the roster or not told about it because nobody wants me around. Seems I just can’t get along with people.

The secret to effective communication is this: when talking to others, never say “I”. Even if you’ve got a question. Say, “You’re the smartest person in the room. Do you know anything about…?” And then don’t say another word. Just stand there and listen. Sooner or later somebody will tell you something useful. Even better, you’ll get a rep around the office or among the friend or family group as a wonderful person and everybody will like you because you’re such a great listener and never seem to complain. Then, as soon as you can, dump those assholes and find new friends and coworkers who are willing to behave like adults and have actual conversations with you, as opposed to one-upmanship contests. Those people are harder to find, but they’re worth it. And this looks like it’s a nice length and should cover two weeks’ worth of blogging. See y’all next week.

Week 33 - Cursed

 

UPDATE – I’m making slow but steady progress on draft #2 of the detective story. Things may slow down a bit because this week I upgraded to a new laptop because the old one was taking longer and longer to boot up and one of the keys had come loose, with a second one threatening to follow suit. Since Microsoft’s been bugging me to upgrade to Windows 11, I went ahead and got a machine with 11 already installed. Sadly, I had to buy Microsoft Office 11 separately so I’d have access to the latest version of Word. The words you (all three of you, maybe four if Switzerland’s tuned in this week) are hopefully  reading here are coming to you live from the couch where I’m typing between commercials during Thor: Ragnarok. I’ve already done work on an existing file and only had minimal problems, but this is my first attempt at creating a new file on the new system. It’s…well, it’s turning into an interesting experience.

A caveat: if this week’s entry seems a bit disjointed and distracted, it’s because, as I mentioned, I’m watching a movie as I work. If there’s a break in flow, those were the points where I looked up to ogle Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston, or both. I’ll try to type fast, and coherently, during commercial breaks and get this done before the big battle scene at the end. And if anyone’s wondering: Loki’s the one you have a torrid affair with before you marry Thor. Just in case it ever comes up in conversation.

$$$$

And here we go. I’ve barely started and already it’s giving me issues.

I didn’t have too many problems the other times I changed laptops. Mostly it was just getting used to that particular machine’s idiosyncrasies. Windows 10 was similar enough to Windows 7 that upgrading wasn’t much of a jolt. Wish I could say the same for Windows 11. Working with this is like I’ve been speaking Canton Chinese and 11 only speaks Mandarin. It’s just different enough to throw me off.

And then there’s the fun I’m having with the cursor. (NOTE: I’m being sarcastic.)

New Lappy didn’t waste any time showing me how annoying it could be. Once I got home, I naturally signed in to Google and checked out my regular sites. Of course I used the cursor and the scroll bar to move up and down. Instead it zoomed my screen out. Then out again. Then in. This happened without me clicking anything. Just moving the cursor brought on a dance of extreme close-up to ant-size print with all size variations in between. No amount of clicking on the mouse pad would return my point size to normal.

And that’s not all. My headstrong cursor also likes to drag the page itself around, zooming in and then swiping left or right so I can’t read a full sentence from either side. Again, no amount of clicking and dragging on my part reverses this.

I don’t know if this is a hardware or software issue. I’m not doing anything. It does this on its own, sometimes when I’m not even touching it. In the time I’ve been typing this entry I’ve already had a zoom in/zoom out incident and a random left-swipe. Ironically, the zooms started after I’d asked Search “Why does my cursor randomly zoom?” Answer: it may think my Control key is stuck. Try pressing Control. (Didn’t work.) Help told me I should be able to disable Chrome’s Zoom function by clicking on Settings and going to sections that didn’t appear when I did so. As for Microsoft Settings, that shows me the Zoom setting was already off. Somebody needs to tell that to my errant cursor.

I’ve had three laptops before this one and two versions of Windows. I never once encountered this problem with any of them, or on the various library machines I’ve used over the years. Others must have, though, because answers show up in Search. I just wish the answers worked.

Monday a new assignment comes in. I get to do paid work with this annoyance lurking in my system, just waiting for its moment to pop up and piss me off. I’m under warranty for another couple of weeks, but first I think I’ll go up to the computer lab the library’s offering. Maybe someone familiar with the new iteration of Windows can help me straighten this out. If it turns out to be a hardware problem, then I’ll take it back to the shop.­ I should have kept Ol’ Unreliable, my oldest laptop with Windows 7 on it, as a backup. At least I know how to work on that one. Only problem was, it tended to conk out unexpectedly; sometimes it would boot up again, other times it wouldn’t. That’s why I got rid of it, and why I started calling it Ol’ Unreliable.

There is a bright side to the zoom problem: I tried playing computer games, and the constant random zooming ticked me off to the point I just shut the whole system down. I think I’ve finally hit on the solution to my gaming addiction. The price of the laptop was still cheaper than therapy, so I have no complaints in that regard.

In semi-related news, my car has decided it’s also going to be difficult and not start at random times and places. The lights come on but the engine won’t turn over. It’s not the battery; that got a jump from a guy in the grocery store parking lot, but it did nothing. It may be the starter. Popping the clutch got it started and I got it to the garage, but they couldn’t do anything because it started right up for them so they can’t determine what’s wrong. Right now it’s running fine, but it could leave me stranded at any time, in any situation. I’d think it was in collusion with my new laptop if I were a paranoid person. Oh, wait…

Looks like I’ve got this written. Now let’s see if it’ll let me post. If not, it’s off to the library with a thumb drive, which may be how I end up doing the paid assignment. There are always solutions if you look for them. See y’all next week.

 

 

Week 32 - Writing with Style

 

UPDATE – the writing is moving along slowly, but at least it’s moving along. I’m making progress on both the new longhand work and typing the second draft. The longhand has slowed down a bit because every time I sit down to write new ideas hit and I end up running with them. Sometimes I run down a dead end and have to go back. That’s the trouble with being a pantser.

I wrapped up a paid assignment today and will have off for a while. I think I’m going to need to get a new laptop. My current one is taking longer and longer to boot up, and now at least one key has come loose (the number eight/asterisk; I can’t press it to show you because it doesn’t work now). So there’s yet another expense on the credit card. I may be doing a lot more longhand over the weekend. Or I can type at the library. Hooray for thumb drives!

I miss the bots. Those big view numbers made me feel popular. It doesn’t help that the old group blog I used to be on, which hasn’t been active since at least 2016, still rakes in a huge viewership. Mostly from Canada lately, for some reason. Why doesn’t Canada like me? Maybe it’s my breath.

$$$$

Reading soft-core smut for a living can be fun, but it does come with a downside: after years of spending long hours daily reading for a paycheck, reading for my own entertainment gradually fell by the wayside. At the end of the day, the last thing I wanted to do was look at even more of someone else’s words. Especially romance. I got burned out on reading, even the stuff that was paying the bills, but I couldn’t afford to just quit. Then the market slowed down, the writers started retiring (maybe they got burned out too) and the assignments (and my income) started to dwindle. Instead of  reading and writing more, I got depressed and ended up with the gaming addiction. But you don’t want to hear any more of that whine and cheese fest, so let’s move on.

Now that I’m semi-productive again, I’ve chosen to put time for just plain reading back on my schedule. Just no romance novels; I get enough of that at “work.” And not entirely just for the fun of it, either. This is semi-related to work, almost. Allow me to explain.

As chronicled, I’ve been writing a fantasy story about a detective trying to track down a writer at the request of several fictional characters. Since this is a novel about genre fiction, I’ve decided my first-person narrator’s voice should echo the tone of past detective classics. Although, as anyone who had to slog through a “classic” for a high school or college lit class knows, the writing styles of yesteryear can be a challenge (cough “boring” cough). I’ve never read Moby Dick, but I’ve heard stories. There’s a reason Cliff’s Notes and Classics Illustrated comic books used to be so popular with students.

What I need is the tone and flavor of a 1940s noir detective novel, but updated for modern readers. My first choice would be if I could find my old copy of Who Censored Roger Rabbit, about a hard-boiled LA detective dealing with comic strip characters, but that’s buried somewhere in my book room and I’m not about to go digging for it. So I’m going with my second choice, the best of all possible worlds: reading my way through my collection of Robert B. Parker’s Spenser novels.

If Parker’s name isn’t familiar to you, maybe Spenser’s is. There was a TV series back in the 1980s based on the books, starring Robert Urich as the titular PI and Avery Brooks as his buddy Hawk, still the coolest character ever to grace a TV screen. Watching the show got me into reading the books. Parker himself was a fan of Raymond Chandler, creator of private eye Philip Marlowe and one of the fathers of the hard-boiled detective genre. The Spenser in the books was nowhere near as charming, or good-looking, as Urich’s TV version. Book Spenser was an articulate tough guy and chivalrous thug who could knock down opponents with a smartass quip as easily as with his fists, depending on the situation. The tone Parker used was a callback to ’40s pulp writing styles, but streamlined and sped up for modern impatient or time-constrained readers. Exactly what I’m looking for for my particular story.

Now all I have to do is study the books and figure out how he achieved it.

This solves a lot of problems: it keeps me focused on the book I’m writing, so I’m not tempted to screw off and play games; it will make the book better if it has a “voice” that matches the subject matter; I get a chance to learn new tricks by dissecting the work of a successful published writer; I get to read something other than romance for a change, which will help get me out of my rut; and the books themselves are just plain fun, which will elevate my mood and get me back into my writing groove. That “joy” I talked about in a previous post? Here it is.

And I can picture Avery Brooks delivering Hawk’s lines in that sexy voice of his. Dang, that man was hawt.

Be aware that this is not plagiarism. I’m not stealing plots, characters, or lines of dialogue from someone else’s work. I’m looking for word choices, rhythms and sentence/paragraph structures that will echo the flavor of noir detective classics without putting readers to sleep. It would be the same if I was writing a Western or, well, a romance novel. People pick up a genre book with certain expectations, whether they’re consciously aware of that or not. If my PI doesn’t have a world-weary outlook or a quick-witted comeback in the face of some guy’s gun, they’re going to wonder about it. As an added bonus, there’s a meta reason for all this regarding the PI’s origins, but I can’t reveal that without ruining the ending. You’ll just have to wait until I finish it. Which had better be before I hear back from the publisher I sent my query to. But now I’m stoked, so I don’t think that’s going to be a problem. I’m off to work before the next assignment comes in and I get dragged back into romance. See y’all next week.