The Next Big Thing

Looks like the bots are back in force again. Time for another strike against the creeping threat of AI. I know! Romantasy is big right now. This should throw those stupid machines off track...

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"Drat."

"Trouble, pet?"

"I've reached the end of the line. Literally. I've got poor Clytemnestra boxed into a corner and I've no idea how to get her out of it. I knew I should have planned out my scenes in more detail before I started writing."

"What's the poor dear facing now?"

"Well, she's managed to escape the vampires, but she had to leave Wilbur behind."

"She's better off. The man's a useless twit."

"I'm afraid I've come to the same conclusion. Perhaps he'd be better off as a vampire. Sexier, at any rate."

"I seriously doubt it. The man had little in the way of a personality to start with. I doubt if sucking blood will make him any  more appealing."

"And once again we're in agreement. I think Clytie and I have both abandoned him. That's something else she'll have to grapple with now. He certainly wasn't any good in bed."

"Really?"

"No staying power. One look from a woman and he'd go off in his pants. No, he's better off dead. Or undead. Though I'll bet even the vampires won't want him after a while."

"After a day. What did Clytie even see in  him?"

"I'll be damned if I know. He wasn't that big of a douche when I started writing him. He just seemed to get worse and worse as the story went along."

"So now poor Clytie, racked with guilt, has fled into the night--"

"Daylight. So the vampires can't go after her."

"Clever girl. She's far smarter than Wilbur. No wonder she dumped him."

"Except now she's alone. He wasn't much, but he was an extra pair of eyes. And a source of upper body strength for physical conflicts."

"Did he even know how to throw a punch?"

"He knew how to fire a gun. At any rate, even though the sun's out, she's still out in the woods with no food, no water, no weapons, and a horde of vampires coming after her the second the sun goes down. And I've no idea what I'm going to have happen to her next."

"Are there any naked warrior women out in the woods? She could have a lesbian experience. God knows Wilbur couldn't have been very satisfying."

"They're in Europe. Or an alternate Europe. The climate's too cold for extended nudity. What's a tribe of Amazons doing out there anyway?"

"Keeping the vampires in check."

"Hmm. There's an idea. Maybe not the sex part. They could escort her to a road or something."

"What a waste of perfectly good Amazons. You can do better than that."

"I know I can, but not this minute. What else is out in a forest? Ogres, dragons, Robin Hood and his horny men--"

"Wasn't that scene in Shrek?" 

"Dear Lord, you're right. That's it, I'm done for the day. Want to order pizza and watch a movie? Something with a better plot than mine?"

"I could go for naked Amazons."

"You can go pick up the pizza. I'll choose the movie, thank you very much."

Week 30 - Currently Trending

 

Update – Things are going much better this week than they have for the past few months. I’m back working on the detective book, even though I still fear for its chances in the current market. I’ve started a romance story, now that I know I’ve still got a job and the publisher’s not going under. Not this week, anyway. Next week I’ll be getting an assignment, which always messes up my schedule. Or something else could break down and require expensive repairs. My upcoming paychecks aren’t anywhere near as generous as the one I had to nudge for. Better cut junk food out of the budget.

All the recent controversial topics (diversity in particular) along with my tendency to whine in public (well, I am using this blog in place of therapy. Like I said, the budget’s tight) has apparently cost me viewers. The Hong Kong bots have abandoned me entirely. Looks like Singapore has taken their place, though not in the former huge numbers. A few folks in the US of A are sticking by me; probably white Republicans. My faithful fan in Switzerland still shows up from time to time. And I’ve got my first Russian bot! Only the one, but it’s a start. Is that you, Vladimir? Doubtful, but the notion of my words appearing on a screen in the Kremlin does bring a smile to my face.

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The other week I mentioned the possibility I’ve written a book that may not be sellable in our current political climate, burdened as it is with a protagonist who’s a straight white adult male. I’m not going to change him. At my glacial rate of production, tastes and markets and publisher mandates may well swing back in my favor by the time I’m finally ready to shop it around. In the meantime, I detailed how easily my idea could be…well, let’s just call it “adapted” to better fit current publishers’ preferences. If somebody faster wants to take a whack at writing and marketing that version, knock yourself out. Your characters won’t be anything like mine, and the execution of the general idea will be totally different, I guarantee it. Just give me a nod in the dedication, m’kay? (Do not dedicate it to Rod Serling. I call dibs on him for my dedication.)

The other ideas in my pipeline at the moment are all romances, which always have a market so I’m not worried about them, even though they’re paranormal and that’s on the downswing right now. I have a couple small epublishers in mind who are always hungry for content, so we’re good.

Then there’s the currently-lucrative Young Adult market. At the moment “romantasy” appears to be the flavor of the month. Near as I can tell, that’s a standard romance in a fantasy setting, preferably with main characters at or below voting age. We had those in days of yore; they were shelved in the Science Fiction section because there really wasn’t a separate Young Adult genre back in the Paleolithic. Apparently romance writers are writing these now, by aging down their characters and throwing in dragons and elves. Hey, whatever puts food on the table.

Actually, I’d had this idea myself a couple years ago. I had some romance book ideas that I realized would probably work a lot better as YA novels. Just make the protags between 17-20 and keep the sex to a minimum. I grew up reading and writing stories like this so it’s not a huge stretch for me.

Except, me being me and therefore contrary, I’m putting my own spin on it. No generic dragons and elves, chosen ones or palace intrigue for me. The ideas I’m toying with fall firmly into science fiction’s purview. The one involves a group of genetically-engineered teenagers with superpowers; the other is about an invasion of alien shapeshifters out to take over the earth. In both cases the lead is female, mostly because, like I said, these were originally going to be standard adult romance novels. At least I was ahead of the curve on that one.

As far as adhering to diversity goes, I think that’s covered too. My superheroine is white and straight, but one of her comrades is Asian. I don’t know why or when I made that decision; it just seemed to fit him. The biggest problem is going to be one of the other girls who, frankly, is a ditz. Mean girls are okay—they’re  practically a requirement in YA—but I don’t know if honestly stupid girls are allowed in books any more. She’s also white and blonde. If she was male this wouldn’t be a problem. I’ll worry about that when or if I ever write this. As for the invasion story, the aliens in their natural form are vaguely humanoid; they take whatever shape is required by circumstances. They’re literally gender fluid, normally sexless but going from male to female as needed for breeding. My heroine here is an alien who lives among humans. She imprinted on the woman who raised her so she thinks of herself as female, although she has no problem with turning male if a mission calls for it. When she meets another of her kind, that one adapts to her by assuming the form of a handsome male. She literally makes a man out of him.

I can’t say when or if I’ll get around to these. It depends on how the others work out. Should I write one, I’m guessing by the time it’s done the romantasy fad will be over. That’s fine. Good books don’t follow trends anyway. They start them. Maybe I can start a trend and be ahead of the curve for once. At least it gives me something to aim for. See y’all next week.