I Think I Broke Yahoo

I’ll admit it, I’m just like every other sucker on the Net. I’ll click on a Yahoo article if it’s about something I’m interested in. Especially any news about Supernatural, but other, real-life stuff too. Most of the time it’s clickbait, with very little substance and usually not much style. Sometimes I’ll find something of genuine interest that’s occasionally informative.

As a rule I don’t leave a comment, positive or negative. At least, not until the other day. This is where our story begins.

I’d gone over to Yahoo to check my email. First I scrolled down the page to see what’s going on in the world. They had an article posted on “19 films featuring MCU actors currently appearing on Netflix”—basically a Netflix commercial, with “MCU” (Marvel Cinematic Universe) actors as the bait to lure you in. It worked on me, and I clicked.

The article delivered what it promised. It listed films featuring Scarlett Johanssen, Anthony Mackie, Chris Hemsworth’s new action picture, stuff Samuel L. Jackson did besides Pulp Fiction, a Chris Evans movie, and so forth. An innocuous piece of fluff, but as I skimmed through it I realized there was one movie missing that featured not one but three MCU actors that apparently Netflix wasn’t running, that certain segments of the fandom might enjoy.

Which brings us to Wonder Boys.

Debuting in 2000 and based on the novel by Michael Chabon, Wonder Boys draws us into the life of college professor Grady Tripp, who years ago wrote a bestselling novel but was never able to finish a second one. As the movie opens, his current opus stands at two thousand pages and counting. The plot, such as it is, follows Tripp around for a weekend as he deals with his life, his stalled writing career, his visiting editor, a troubled student from his creative writing class (who’s a talented writer in his own right), and his affair with the dean’s wife, who’s pregnant. I considered it an okay movie, funny in spots but a bit disjointed.

The draw for me was the subject matter (writers) and the casting. Repeated viewings of Ant-Man for some reason stirred in me a belated interest in the work of Michael Douglas. He was just so much fun as Hank Pym. Since I don’t have Netflix or any other streaming service, I scoured the county library system and found Wonder Boys on DVD. Imagine my surprise and delight when I discovered that the film also stars Robert Downey Jr. as Tripp’s editor and Tobey Maguire as the weirdo writing student. That’s Hank Pym, Iron Man and Spider-Man (well, a version of him) in the same flick. It’s like a pre-Marvel Marvel movie, at least in terms of casting.

So, if Netflix is so keen on running movies that feature MCU actors, why aren’t they featuring this one?

Maybe because it’s not an action pic. Maybe because it flopped during its original release. Or maybe it’s because Downey’s character is gay and takes a shine to Maguire’s character. Which led, at one point in the film, to this:

There you have it, Iron/Spider shippers: Tony Stark in bed with Peter Parker. Probably not the kind of thing Netflix would want to promote. Disney sure as hell wouldn’t want news of this to get out.

But good ol’ me, I’ve gotta tell somebody. So I made my first and so far only comment on a Yahoo story, naming this movie and pointing out the scene. I consider it my duty to keep Marvel fans and completists informed.

Comment posted, I continued on with my Internet business. Maybe a half hour later or so I checked back. The story and my single comment were still there. I logged off and went on to other things.

Later in the day I logged back on to see if there’d been any reaction. The story, my comment included, had vanished. Nowhere at all on the Yahoo page. I Googled the story and found it on its original site, but without comments and no way to leave any.

To date, that particular article has not returned to Yahoo.

Was I silenced? Did Netflix panic and yank the article? Did Yahoo? Did Disney? Or is it all just coincidence?

Looks like my career commenting on Yahoo stories is over before it began. Yeah well. I got a blog post out of it. And so did the five or six of you who appear to be tuning in. Enjoy it while you can, before Disney comes after me. Never eff with the Mouse…

New from J. J. Collins

Sometimes love comes at you fast. Answering an old friend’s call for help, hunter Dillon Royce comes to Arizona to stop a shapeshifter who’s targeting gay men. He finds himself falling for the prime suspect, cheetah shifter Kaz Genovese. Kaz insists they’re fated mates. Or is he just trying to get close to his latest victim? Dillon needs to solve this one fast, before he totally loses his heart … or his life.

EXCERPT

“Sorry, speedy. I can’t take any chances. You’re going into a holding cell until we get this resolved. If you want to call a lawyer—”

“That won’t be necessary.” Kaz shifted. The bonds meant to restrain a human fell loose on the cheetah’s form. He slid his paws free and bit through what he couldn’t slip out of.

Then he leaped at Dillon.

They fell backward, onto the narrow bed. Kaz shifted back. His teeth grazed Dillon’s throat, just a tease, before he crashed his mouth against Dillon’s in another of those soul-blasting kisses.

Dillon had his knife. One thrust and it would be over.

Instead, he accepted the kiss. How had he gone his entire life without being kissed like this? Like Kaz intended to swallow his soul. As if he already had.

His hands moved as if with minds of their own, exploring, groping Kaz. Not an inch of him was still. Every speck of Kaz’s naked body seemed in constant frantic motion. Holding him was like holding on to a primal life force. His body was the desert, spare and barren at first glance but harboring unexpected bursts of color and flavor and life. An entire ecosystem of fiery desire, all of it focused on Dillon.

So long. Too long since he’d had any relief, or so desperately wanted it.

Only when he realized Kaz was tearing at his fly did Dillon come back to his senses. This was all happening too fast.

Somehow, he got his eyes to focus. “Don’t I even get dinner first?”

“What? Oh.” Kaz slumped, all over. Even then his body still vibrated with speed. “You humans and your stupid rituals. What a waste of time. You’re my mate. We were born for each other. Isn’t that enough for you?”

“Sorry, no. I don’t have the luxury of instinct. Right now, I’ve got a set of murders to solve. That’s my first priority. You and your mating urges—” Our mating urges, he couldn’t help thinking. “—Are going to have to wait.”

“Go slow?” Kaz tested the concept and, from the lift of his lip, clearly found it distasteful. “I don’t know if I can do that. Though it would be an interesting test.”

“You’re going to have to. And you’re going to have to sit in a cell for a while. You’re the prime suspect. Can’t be helped.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Kaz said firmly. “Tell you what. I’ll go do some investigating on my own. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow night and we’ll have that dinner. And then I’m claiming you. That’s as slow as I can go.” He palmed Dillon’s cheek. “We’re going to be spending our lives together. I suppose I should ask you your name.”

“It’s Dillon. Dillon Royce.”

“Dillon.” His name sighed off Kaz’s tongue. “Until tomorrow night, my love.” He captured Dillon’s mouth again and sent his senses spinning. When Dillon opened his eyes, those delightful lips were gone, the hand at the back of his neck was gone, the scent of cat was a fading memory, and the door to his room stood open.

He went to the open doorway, although he knew it was pointless. Of course, Kaz was nowhere in sight. The ache in his groin was now joined by a more poignant ache in his soul, its one true mate discovered and abruptly torn away. Maybe there was something to the mate bond after all, even where humans were concerned.

Or maybe that was guilt he felt, that in spite of everything he was falling hard for his number-one suspect. That he’d let a possible killer go free.

Available from Evernight

Give the People What They Want

What follows is a tale of why being a pantser isn’t always a good thing.

I’m handling edits right now, for a story that, if all goes well, should come out sometime in January. It’s futuristic MM, set on a distant planet with aliens and stuff. Our Hero finds himself in possession of a man from a species whose entire focus is on sex. They end up falling in love, of course. It’s a romance.

Here’s where my pantserness tripped me up. As I was writing the scene where they dispense with their clothes, it suddenly occurred to me why these alien males are so popular. It’s because they’re hermaphrodites. AC/DC in both body and temperament. Whatever you’re in the mood for, even if it’s both at once, they can accommodate you. Tell this guy to go screw himself and he’ll say, “Be back in ten minutes.”

My lusty heroes consummate their budding relationship, using the guy’s lady parts. That’s where I left it.

Not good.

My editor wasn’t overjoyed. I was expecting that. I anticipated there might be some flak over the twist my pantser half threw in. She didn’t tell me to excise it, though. Instead she pointed out, “This is MM. The readers come to this genre for a certain experience and you’ve given them something else. You can fix it by adding some butt sex.” Not her exact words, of course, but that was the gist of her assessment.

And you know what? She’s absolutely right.

Every genre and sub-genre has its own conventions. Science fiction generally has some kind of tech. You can spot fantasy by the elves and the dragons. Put the elves and dragons in modern-day New York City and now it’s urban fantasy. Westerns have cowboys, horses and shoot-‘em-ups. Horror novels have monsters. If the woman falls in love with the monster, then it’s paranormal romance. Crime novels have killings or kidnappings or anything that would bring in the cops. Mysteries have, well, a mystery. Romances are about two people falling in love and working their way toward a Happily Ever After. Take away the HEA and it becomes women’s fiction with a romantic bent.

These are all valid genres, with their own particular audiences. People come to them with certain expectations. That mystery novel better include a mystery, and it damn well better be mysterious. Don’t give your orc a ray gun and try to tell people it’s SF. It’s still fantasy. Readers who expected the orcs to wield swords will give you a half star on Amazon.

For MM, it’s man love. Guy-on-guy relations. Not guy on pseudo-woman, which is what I did. If you’re writing MM, especially MM erotic romance, then somebody’s dick better find its way into somebody else’s butthole, or the readers are going to come after you with torches and pitchforks. And they’ll never buy a book from you again.

I knew this when I wrote it. I even considered adding a more conventional MM sex scene but didn’t know where to put it. I almost made the worst mistake a writer can fall victim to: misleading the readers. The audience for MM books is ponying up its cash for the guy/guy romantic experience. Either give them what they expect to get or suffer the consequences.

That’ll teach these e-book publishers to accept manuscripts without reading them first. It taught me not to screw around (no pun intended) with my audience. Mea culpa, folks. Your butt sex is on its way. And it’s gonna be hawt. I’ve thought of a way to make that original scene the prelude to the good stuff, the real MM sex scene, involving guys slamming guys into walls. That should wash the taste of girl cooties out of everyone’s mouth.

Writers, listen to your editors. They know what they’re doing. They know what’s good for the book. My next MM will be between two Earth guys, and butts will definitely get penetrated. One of the guys turns into a horse, so I suppose it’s paranormal. Just so you know that up front.